Hello, you. Sedated greeting because, well, in a rabid attempt to try to find out how to change the “leave a comment” html, me and my big mouth had to go mosey around and hence the existence of this blog is now know. dingdangdong. *frowns*
So now, yes, I do know how to twiddle a little with the confounding HTML of blogspot (cerebal pat on the back); but this also puts me in the situation of having to explain things. *knocks head repeatedly over that crevice on my wall*
anyolhow, I think…I am…*sigh* dissatisfied. With my nonexistent love life, that is. Yes, I know God loves me very much, and His love should fill every single part of my life. BUT. BUT. BUT. *small sigh* I know most of the time I am very happy being me, just doing my own stuff, pottering around the house, chilling out with daddy and mummy, having meaningful conversations with friends. However, it is during times like these, both the actual time of 2am and the time in my life, it would be wonderful to have somebody to talk to. To share my hopes, dreams, fears, calorie counts, whatever.
And yet, when I was reading a book I came across this question “How would your life change if you had a partner?” I am quite ashamed at my reply. I actually don’t think it would change much. Yes, I know it would be such a joy to be able to share my life with someone, but seriously, how much am I willing to commit? Then again, it also calls to mind the question of, does your life need to change?
Maybe the right person hasn’t trooped along yet. Maybe he has, and being the usual blind bat that I am, mistook him for just another friend and the opportunity has come and gone. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe I am just not cut out to be one of those people who gets married. *pui* (cue the Malcolm in the Middle song: yes, no, maybe, I don’t know, can you repeat the question?)
That said, I know that God in His grace and mercy has the perfect plan. Perfecto. Touche. Just like the saying I saw in that Christian bookstore in Penang: “Patience with God is Faith, Patience with yourself is Hope and Patience with others is Love.” I really need patience. *deep breathing* Plus the first descriptor of “love” in that 1 Corinthians 13 thingy is…”Love is Patient”!
I believe that as long as I live according to God’s will, life indeed will be beautiful. And not having a partner is definitely NOT the end of the world. It is a hang-up which hampers my decision making process sometimes. And I’ve got to learn to overcome that. Ok, not that I want to remain a communist nun my whole life…but that, God’s will should take precedence. Easy to say, tough to do. But, I. Will. Try. *bright determined smile*
And may God’s will be done, on earth, as it is in heaven. Some daily bread would be yummy too.
Till next time,
debs who loves to eat the potstickers mummy makes

Hello, you! (whoever you are…) I wonder if I should ever make this blog’s presence “known”. *twiddles thumbs*
anyhow, wow, it has almost been a month since EARC. yeah, the cliche being “time and tide waits for no man”. Indeed! *sagely nod* When Mrs. Kan called me just now, her voice just sent me back to those heady RV days, days spent in the agony of being in a place where the predominant language was one which just flies over my head. Days where we just plotted to skip guides, play bingo during Lit class, groan at every chinese remedial.
anyway, back to EARC. On the one hand it was indeed life-changing, and yet on the other, the fervour seems to have died down. It is as though I’ve just simply slipped back into my usual self, one where I just do whatever I please, plan whatever I want to do, where life is a wild dizzy whirl, and yet it is just that, a whirl, leading no where, an end in itself.
and if one’s whole existence [as my favourite verse goes "Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man."] is to please God, then I think I do not exist. Not in the oh-i-am-un-real sense, but that, yeah, my whole life is indeed meangingless.
helping to edit A.’s cover letter for PSC today brought back memories of JC, all those hyping up of letters, CVs etc. I dreamt of Ms. C last night, with her intoning about Anthony and Cleopatra and Hard Times…*sigh* I really miss Lit, but the Lit department in uni is like hell-incarnate. bah to them.
A big part of me misses JC, not only the people, but also the acitivities. Yes I know I grumbled so much about council, and how the teachers kept droning on and on about building up our resumes and how CCA records were all humbug etc. But, seriously, if not for the humans prog etc, I don’t think I would have gotten a chance to go for Pre-U Sem, go China to do comm service (albeit for the wrong reason, but still!) etcetc.
And yet, at the end of it all, where did I land up? *small sigh*
ok, yes, this whole topic has been talked to death already. and yes, there is no way, NO WAY, I can ever get out of the ever so fantastic campus celebrating one hundred years of “achievements”. and yes, I’ve completed my freshman year. and next week I’ll even be a group leader for the next freshmen orientation camp (the irony of it is not lost on me). but still…a huge part of me wants more. wants, not needs, to be sure.
the only only only reason I can be grateful for in my situation, is VCF. and hence, EARC. both deserve a much longer post, and someday this long post will come up. But yeah, one redeeming factor. *small sigh*
contentment? three syllables. very difficult to live out. *small sigh* maybe I shall never make this blog known after all. since this blog, would most probably, flesh out the winter of my discontent and I should refrain from spreading negative vibes in this not-so-nice-world. indeed.
till next time,
debs who loves Secret Recipe’s chocolate indulgence cake. yum! *smacks lips*
p.s. which reminds me, gah, 40 day fast commences on friday!!! should I give up chocolate again? maybe something new? as pooh always says “thinkthinkthink!”

Hello, you! I’ve finally abandoned my pen and paper. Journalling is fun, but unfortunately my pureetty purple thingamajig has no more pages left. So its now 2am, I am dog-tired and yet I am still doing this. Major cue for a “wert”. Should sleep now. I hope I don’t forget my password, like how I did for the previous blog. *runs to go write it on some scrap piece of paper which would most probably end up in the junk*
Till next time,
me – who loves the new honey crunch cornflakes thing