The Caffeine Junkie and Her Escapades
“Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.” Ecc 12:13Archive for March, 2007
Episode 205: i like the word ponder, it rolls off the tongue very nicely
having been distracted (with a capital D, bold and underlined some more) for the past few days, i decided to take a break and not squat in smcland after minorities lecture but return home.
In the presence of a Holy God
There’s new meaning now to Grace
You took all my sins upon yourself
I can only stand amazed
In lieu of my parents being away at church for some church stuff which i managed to wiggle my way out of, it was a quiet evening. the perfect conditions for pondering, thinking, reflecting. and not doing QT in the methodical way I’m used to on most days, but just be silent. silence is a wonderful thing you know. you’d have to be very comfortable with someone, in order to be able to enjoy the silences.
In the presence of Your infinite might
I’m so small and frail and weak
When I see your power and wisdom Lord,
I have no words left to speak
and the picture used in the blog’s header captures it perfectly. the setting sun over a tranquil river, with just that small breeze enveloping you. and all you can do is look at it and think, wow, the God who sculpted such a beautiful world, is my Daddy.
i think i’ve come that teensy bit closer to understanding what John Piper meant when he said “God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied in Him” (or something to that extent la).
the amount of decisions i’ve to make within the next few weeks boggles my mind. it scares me sometimes, just thinking how the next phase of life maps out, is dependent on decisions that have to be made, now. and i’m scared to do it alone. eeps.
In the power of Your glory
All my crowns lie in the dust
You are righteous in Your judgements Lord
You are faithful, true and just
but in the midst of all the washing machine thoughts, God just calls me to stop. and reflect upon His goodness and faithfulness. Something I’ll never really understand, although I’ll never give up trying!
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4: 6-7)
and in that pause of two hours, struggle gave way to peace. 
And I cry Holy, Holy, Holy God
How awesome is Your name
Holy, Holy, Holy God
How majestic is Your reign
And I am changed, in the presence of a Holy God
Episode 204: CARTWHEELS
wheee! pink and sparkly the whole world is! today, i believe in serendipity
*fan girl mode*
while waiting for dr L’s class to start, where the junichiro-lookalike was taking mega long time to come out, i decided to go top up some water.
AND
AND
AND
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRH! i talked to…..
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH mr hot guy of the century.
as usual i was day dreaming so i walked by without looking around…and then
mr hot guy: hey
me: (fan girl emotions gushing out but pretending everything is under control) hey, how come you’re here?
mr so super hot and cute guy: (ok this is abit adulterated conversation cuz i was so enthralled i didn’t pay attn) oh cuz i’m here to film some mythandlegend thing blahblahblah interview blahblahblah…do you know him?
me: (vague nodding and trying not to scare him with all the grinning cuz he is SO CUTE UP CLOSE) oh yup..so have you been going to C.O.R [as in, church] lately?
mr ultramegacute guy: nope cuz i’ve been busy lately blahblahblah (of course at this point in time i’ve lost all semblance of sanity and the whole world is fuzzy and pink and cottoncandyish and full of marshmallows)
me: hmmm i think i’ve got to make a move now, i’ve got class (all is gloom and doom in the world)
mutual exchanging of plesantries and tries not to lose composure too much while walking back to tut room.
the world is bright and shiny
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
cartwheels
ten thousand marshmallows to one and all! tralalalalalllalala
now i’ve been plagued with silly-grin-and-cant-control-it-itis in SMCland….
but
i don’t care
CARTWHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS 
wish i wore a cuter outfit tho
*squeeeeeeeeeeeeee*
Episode 203: a city built on rock and roll is structurally unsound
In an attempt to kill my boredom from writing a gazillion essays, I’ve decided to be cool.
yeah man.
the conclusion on my white paper for education in post-colonial indonesia has a line from the song “I Don’t Want to Be” by Gavin Degraw. and that is “Part of where I’m going, is knowing where I’m coming from”
i am getting this major kick knowing that my White paper on education has a line from a rock song. ok la fine, cool in a nerdy way. BUT STILL COOL OK. bahasa indonesia and rock music. who woulda thought? although I hope dr L doesn’t know this song. highly unlikely anyhows
when i grow up and finally learn how to play a guitar, i am going to be a headbanger and play this. yeah mummy, your daughter has big dreams.
I don’t want to be
Anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I’m tired of looking ’round rooms
Wondering what I’ve got to do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me
now, back to being Minister for Education and Culture in independent Indonesia. Pancasila! rah rah rah!
Episode 202: urk
que sera sera
whatever will be, will be
the future’s not us to see
que sera sera
stop obsessing already.
Episode 201: multiple viewing points
when mizziechua talked about “looking in the grass” today and checking out your reflection (hey, good-looking! daisy looks as good as buttercup today i say!) it reminded me of that silly Roald Dahl’s Revolting Rhymes bit about Snow White…
Now every day, week in week out,
The spoiled and stupid Queen would shout
‘Oh Mirror Mirror on the wall,
‘Who is the fairest of them all?’
The Mirror answered every time,
‘Oh Madam, you’re the Queen sublime.
‘You are the only one to charm us,
‘Queen, you are the cat’s pyjamas.’
For ten whole years the silly Queen
Repeated this absurd routine.
Then suddenly, one awful day,
She heard the Magic Mirror say,
‘From now on, Queen, you’re Number Two.
Snow-White is prettier than you!’
The Queen went absolutely wild.
She yelled, ‘I’m going to scrag that child!’
heehee.
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doing the left-handers project has taught me much about the positionality of the researcher whilst doing geographical research.
if you’re a girl researching on NS spaces of danger for lefties, be prepared for larger than life accounts. after consulting less biased sources and even going to a *gasp* weapons website, i can only conclude, mucho heroissimo.
HAHA. or to be more accurate…SARSAR.
Episode 200: writing at the interstices
The covenant streaked across the expanse after the rain. Green is paradoxical, it supports and cradles, yet is rendered visible only with absence. Indigo says “Prose is poetry for plebeians”. Violet retreats and is silent. Yellow is so shiny, it has an impenetrable sheen. Orange sees and stops laughing. Blue binds White up. Rigidly, repeatedly. Till it becomes a cast-iron mesh of linen, wound up so tightly, that Red cannot come through. Red, painfully, cannot come through the interstices.
Plath was wrong. It is not black; stasis comes in varying shades of white. Pure, parched earth.
El Roi. You are the God who sees.
Episode 199: a part of me went with you
today was a really bad day. i would have bitten off a random head before praise and worship, but i didn’t cuz brains are high in fats and hence calories. but I thank God for thurs cg cuz it helped me get out of the funk after BS and stuff. i gave them one mina and got back ten. ahahahahahhaha.
———
it was quite funny seeing gayboy baulk when i told him two girl friends at smcland think he is cute. hahahahahahahah.
———
meanwhile, i received news today that a “friend” died on tues. This was his auto-obituary.
A friend has died. The death of a friend finds its own justification a posteriori: it makes the world less livable, and therefore renders his absence from this world less painful. It alters the world in such a way that he would no longer have his place in it. Others outlive themselves into a world which is no longer theirs. Some know how to slip away at the apposite moment. Their death is a stroke of cleverness: it makes the world more enigmatic, more difficult to understand than it was when they were alive – which is the true task of thought. (Baudrillard, Cool Memories IV, 2003: 65)
here’s to you, Baudrillard. A piece of me died with you.
Episode 198: hey, how’s it going, eh?
R called me for one shiny hour! all the way from shiny kingston in shiny canada! WHEE! *cartwheels* it felt like secondary school again (cue: drink ribena), when we used to talk on the phone, before the advent of msn and sms.
—————
meanwhile, I believe there are pluses and minuses to being in smcland.
minus: you get rheumatism in the absolute coldness of it all. i swear my ankles and knees were dying on me.
plus: your braincells get cyrogenically preserved, so they can thaw in time for the mountain of exams.
—————–
time is the best test for attrition. some how mummy’s counsel is always tres good.
—————–
since iTunes always takes ten thousand years to load up, i’ve not listened to mine much. but for some reason, military history in indonesia demanded that i listened to itunes while reading, so i did. and the rent soundtrack came up. whee
“Forget regret, or life is yours to miss” — Life Support, Rent
Episode 197: i feel the earth move
*strums air guitar*
literally. in smcland.
shortly after D left for lunch and F went to get some books, i saw the bookcases in smc land sway. for a few minutes. i thought i was dizzy, but the notes on my table were non-sway-ish. being in smcland alone at that point in time made me feel scared (and i’ve not felt scared in quite a bit) but i didn’t dare show it, lest i seem like a fool, asking an anonymous person “did you see the bookcases sway”? so i decided to be brazen about it, and attribute it to studying too hard (hurhur). well, at least the swaying can be explained. but the fear, at least for that few moments, was real and present. i don’t like fear. mummy!
at sunset prayer, the guy wanted to sing a song which i like (but unfortunately, the elements were against us!). i thought the lyric was quite funny in the context of today’s events.
I can’t believe the way Your love has got a hold on me
Each morning I wake to find you near
You lift me above my fears and set my feet on solid ground
All of my days belong to you.
*goofy grin*
oh distraction, please, go away. shoo, mini thoughts!
excuse me while i bury my head in the sand.
and it is only tuesday.
Episode 196: ‘l&v (hehe, i love f&-’nä-l&-jE!)
today in the midst of an interview i realised that a commitment to a dream is 8 years long. and i balked and cowered in fear.
today in the middle of reading about the Treaty of Angkor and the Treaty of Bangkok (aptly in SMC-land), i realised i had stopped being a sentient being. a long, long time ago. and i balked and stumbled around.
God, I want to be a sentient being. Please?
Pack up all the things that you don't deserve Take another swing: Here comes a curve ball I bet you can't hit it cause you'll swing to soon
five for fighting.
eta: if i read the word mandala one more time, i am going to poke my eyeballs.
