ever since joining exco, i have this visceral reaction to the word “retreat”, because we never really do that. dooods. but the church cg one is a total treat! woot! when Daniel said we were going to Bali, me leetle heart jumped for joy! balibalibalibalibalibalibali. i hope he gets us some cheap flight or something too. balibalibalibalibalibalibali. BALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

cg lunch after church was interesting (BALI!) cuz the SA-JC mento.rs. came down to share about their ministry. I think student min is super la, in all its varied shapes and sizes in the different institutions. (BALI!) (somebody scream bali with me!)

the thing which makes me happy to clean the nursery are the kids. but today has left me ambivalent about it. today managed to zoom through the cleaning so decided to play “what is the time Mr wolf” with Pinehas. Not a good idea. He took it seriously. After he “caught” me, he wrapped himself around me and I was like, wah, this boy so loving, after he catch you still give you a hug. ha. He chomped on my stomach. ARRRRRRRH! my shirt had bite marks. will not play “what is the time Mr wolf” in a long long time.
Then came in the wellywellywool  twins. was chatting with the older twin and asked her what her name was. for a kid who mispronounces “have you any wool” in the nursery rhyme as “wellywellywool”, she has one serious name man, Magdalene. And i went, so what’s meimei’s name? She went, ok you spell ya? “R” and i went “R..oh is her name Rachel?” She looked at me as though I was a demigod who could read her mind.

bwahahahaha.

yes kid, i can read your mind.

bwahahaa.

bali!

Making the decision to go for the social action trip to hea-l-th-ser-ve (thereafter known as HS) had to be one of the best decisions this semester. I really should be sleeping but this is important stuff!

we began by having dinner at one of the coffeeshops at some lorong in geylang. it felt strangely surreal, voyeuristic almost to be immersed in sights/sites and sounds that i’m not accustomed to in sg. being subjected to the male gaze was something i’ve never experienced before. can’t imagine why some girls would want guys to check them out. it is, degrading to say the least (esp when i was like wearing baggy jeans and shapeless tee, HULLO UNCLE?)

i didn’t know why i felt like a voyeur, and it troubled me greatly that i was one of those idiot twerps who observed other people numbly.

it was only when the lady shared her testimony that all sudden God reminded me of the request I made, for my heart to be harden. why would any sane person pray such a prayer right? every body asks for a softened heart, then a couple of weeks ago, i asked God to harden my heart. LIKE IDIOT??? serious idiot. but it was for a reason (albeit a bad one), i was getting too tired of crying whenever i prayed for other people, because every time i prayed i could actually feel their pain and cried on their behalf. God reminded me how selfish I was, that I would rather harden my heart like Pharoh and not care about His people just so that I could save a few tissues. ok yah la, i am an idiot. fine.

so i was feeling really remorseful about being so selfish and told God I was sorry. It was this strange feeling of surrender of my will once again, that made my spirits feel uplifted and removed the hindrance in praying for the past few weeks. whee!

feeling less idiotic now already.

i am so glad that throughout the 4 years in cf, we’ve been seeing the growth of social action and i’m still, if not more, excited about it. I think it is a practical way of sharing God’s love, to reach out to others; and also relevant to what i study. all these post-structuralist shebangs are really about social justice. but this time, it is not simply justice for social justice sakes’, but really justice because God is a God who cares for the poor, the widows and the orphans. Because God is a just God, because God is a merciful God, and because God delights in the humility of His people, we are really to take up the call of Micah, to do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with our God.

I think the prayer which we ended off the session with, is particularly apt. So I shall take the copyrighted liberty to post it here.

Prayer

We believe that God is present
In the darkness before dawn;
In the waiting and uncertainty
Where fear and courage join hands,
Conflict and caring link arms,
And the sun rises over the barbed wire.
We believe in a with-us God.
Who sits down in our midst
To share our humanity.
We affirm a faith
That takes us beyond the safe place:
Into action, into vulnerability
And into the streets.
We commit ourselves to work for change
And put ourselves on the line;
To bear responsibility, take risks,
Live powerfully and face humiliation;
To stand with those on the edge;
To choose life
And be used by the Spirit
For God’s new community of hope.
Amen

that this was written not by a Protestant, is particularly telling. Let’s not wait for others to take the lead, but for Christians to really be the forerunners in enacting social change, wherever we are, for God’s purposes to be done, for lives to be touched, for people to know of a God who loves them, no matter who they are.

do you know what a slow burning anger is?

it eats me up inside every Sunday. And the worst thing is you do not know how much of me you’ve lost.

and even though I do not have any outward emotional reaction, I do care. a lot.

and my new favourite phrase of the moment HAS to be “Okey dokes!”

oh dear thesis supervisor, i heart you muchmuch!

even though i’ve to rewrite my research q, you is SUPER cool! like SUPERSUPERSUPER cool!

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i’m going to the zoo AND the night safari on thurs! for a six-hour field trip. I’m giddy with excitement thinking about it, since i’ve never been to the night safari and the last time i went to the zoo was when i was in primary school.

so YAY! time to dance the agogo outside the polar bear enclosure to see if they mimic me. i love you polar bears even though you’ve an entire algae colony in your fur!

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mummy made the mostest fabulous dinner. (ok fine, i say that all the time!) but it was cabbage rolls (oh yums, my favourite, amongst, well, many favourites) and chicken and some nice mushroom soup and yam rice with super-zing-your-scalp chilli. i love it when she doesn’t work on mondays! someone give my mum some applause!

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the weather is cool tonight, so the arms and neck aren’t itchy. Yay! looks like a fantabulous night of sleep is ahead of me! heat rash be gone, it is embarrassing to see angry-red limbs and neck, so be gone i say!

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thinking of the nutella cupcake which S brought for me makes me happy! cupcakes make me happy!

and for emphasis, cupcakes (and the thought of cupcakes) make me happy! cupcakes!

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i have the attention span of a gnat. i can’t remember what other whee-ness there was. but here’s to whee-ing (haha funny!) for whee-ing’s sake! WHEE!

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oh i recall now. I just saw a super cool notebook cover in one of the random craft blogs. it is a plain brown cover note book but typewritten on it is “Zombie escape plan”. i give that 5 pirate ARRs!