today, in a fit of not wanting to read any more of that eco-development (ROAR) readings, decided to read ‘let the nations be glad’ instead. the book of by the famed person who said ‘God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him’ (or something to that extent)

and it was talking about how missionaries/Christians now lack an enthusiasm for God as compared to missionaries like Brainerd (i swear that is his name. i laughed when proflockhart mentioned his name in class, but reading is believing) who on his deathbed at 29, still yearned for the kingdom of God to come.

the book made a very important point. the church does not exist for missions, but for worship. missions exists because worship does not. (to that i give a resounding YAH MAN!). if only all had his view. in a related vein, typing the agmreport made me very sad. i outsourced the part about reporting about council meetings to miah because i think the report would have been quite negative, esp about the last three sessions. but oh well!

thinking abt this whole missions thing is also making my head spin some wild dizzy whirls yo. was thinking of changing the masters topic to something on development so that it would be more useful next time to do missions. but alamak, reading those eco-dev readings are A BIT boring. and if reading it is boring, whats more doing it right? *tres small sigh* nvm, will go for Go Forth first! *IS EXCITED ABOUT GO FORTH*

haiyah, this masters thing is meant to buy me two years to think and slowly pray about what to do when i grow up. now, to muster even more enthusiasm for the King!

Sing to the King who is coming to reign
Glory to Jesus the Lamb that was slain
Life and salvation, His empire shall bring
Joy to the nations when Jesus is King
(Passion Worship Band)

he folded his arms
with nary a backward glance
it is time to move

tis a sad sad life
to not read a book in yonks
o, art garfunkel

—————

fine, i really should be studying. BUT STUDYING IS BORING MY BRAINS OUT. and wow, art garfunkel must have some biblophilic ocd, to record all the books you read in 40 years. yowza.
dear vice-dean of the faculty of would-be-teachers/candy store owners/ anything but those who cannot cash in on our county’s sciencemania, please reply me with a positive email.

*prances off to cultivate a bibliophile’s ocd list*

inadvertently
bid the silences hello
play it safe, always

today we had our dept lunch. apart from the laughs generated when prof H requested J to lip sync to Britney’s “i’m not a girl, not yet a woman” [and all the nerds who went LIMINAL SPACE when they heard the title. sigh, why are my friends nerds] and stuffing our faces with the really yummy food [wow, ayam buah keluak. who would have thought pple can cater such stuff?], i was quite sad. and then NADIA (hehe) gave his speech and started tearing (and we started pushing the train of serviettes to him) when he recalled the four years in geog. and E started crying too.

and then we sang the dinosaur song [ok i forgot what the show was called. the dinosaur show!!] now this song always makes me emo. when i saw the movie as a kid, i cried at this part. when i sang it at rv with R + E, i teared too cuz i was sad R and i were gg to different JCs. and so today was no different. mweeps. it was quite significant that i was beside R + E (my same two rv buddies) cuz we sang this song 6 years ago in the same position. i was also standing beside V, with whom i spent countless hours doing projects with, and who has also become my good friend.

the honours class has a special place in my heart. they really do. they are friends who went the extra mile in times of difficulty, especially in the closing weeks of the sem. friends whom you can whine/bitch/complain to at all times (literally). friends who can commiserate and who actually provide constructive feedback. friends who extend helping hands, expecting nothing in return. friends who tell you to hold on when the going gets tough, because when the tough get going… they go along with friends.

most importantly, they are just friends la. an unexpected gift from God. in this year where sometimes you take/get a lot of crap from vcfers, i think the geog hons class provided the supportive community that was needed. and most are not even Christians. we have much to learn.

so here i end with  a picture of us being all geeky and happy with our shiny theses and the emoemo dino song!

Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith hope and glory
Hold to the truth
In your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams
Will never die
Dreams see us through
To forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

Souls in the winds
must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears
All away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come
Home to stay

there is a difference between doing things with a spirit of excellence for God and doing things just because you succumbed to your own and everyone else’s high expectations. there is a difference between doing your best, and pushing yourself to do your best in some morbid obsession to get a chapter structure to come out right. there is, also a difference between putting your trust in God alone, and saying it but in the deep recesses of your heart you sometimes wonder.

now, if only i knew the difference earlier.

in fact, i don’t think i know the difference now. i just want to get it over and done with. and just graduate, no matter what cert it is. because in the not so distant future, it really doesn’t make much of a difference. because in the end, it really doesn’t matter.

because people really don’t reward you on how much you worked your ass off for it, they just look at the end result.

and that is the difference between them n’us. [ha. take that you marketing campaign.]

the thesis is due in a week. from wed-fri I didnt write a single thing because 1) the outline was not approved and 2) because of that i was so upset and had such a huge panic attack i couldnt write. now i know why C said when she wrote her thesis, it was write one chapter cry, write one chapter cry. i thought she was joking. now it is literal.

so after writing the second analysis chapter halfway yesterday, i realised i was arguing the same thing. [cue: write one chapter cry]

and the thesis is due in a week.

talking to G just now helped clear things up a little. now I know why he went to ri-gep. haha. this, ladies and gentlemen, is the last final rewrite. i’ve written more than 20000 words. so this. is. it.

i don’t know if there is time for editing (Hey M., if you read this… *hint* hehe) but you know what, it is only one week. grin and bare it. ok maybe baring teeth is not a good idea. grin and bear it.

strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord.