today, i absolutely lost it in school. in the YIH student lounge to be precise. When praying for the AGM, I was so disappointed in the proceedings of the past week that I just couldn’t pray.
God kept on reminding me of what David told Solomon when the latter was about to build the temple:

²⁰ David also said to Solomon his son, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished. ²¹ The divisions of the priests and Levites are ready for all the work on the temple of God, and every willing man skilled in any craft will help you in all the work. The officials and all the people will obey your every command.” (1 Chronicles 28: 20-21)

and i was like “GOD, YOU CANNOT ABANDON US NOW. you tell me to look with eyes of faith but all i see is disappointment. when people build your temple you will provide, and see it to completion. and the people availed themselves. but why is it not happening?”. my heart was so broken at the state of events that apart from not being able to pray, i started sobbing. GOOD GRIEF. cuz i’ve never sobbed in public before. wahpiang. come to think of it, SO PAISEH.

and then i got the phone call. and after hearing the re-reasoning, i thank God that i prayed ‘give them no rest until they see the ministry from Your p.o.v and not their own circumstances’. shall do the whole ‘give them no rest’ thing more often. HAHA.

and at the end of the agm, i was just grinning. and the verse ‘you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace’ sprung up. (yah and the trees etc…though ISNT IT STRANGE THAT TREES HAVE HANDS!!!!! kinda like those storybook thingies where the trees grab children walking in the woods. mweeps)
so much to be thankful for! that the quorum was met at 620 (wah, even i didn’t believe that!) and everything, like the skype thingy, went fine. ah!

I come before You today,
And there is one thing that I want to say
Thank You Lord, Thank You Lord
For all You’ve given to me,
For all the blessings that I cannot see
Thank You Lord, Thank You Lord.
With a grateful heart, With a song of praise
With an outstretched arm, I’ll bless your name
(Don Moen, Thank You Lord)

studying for tmr’s paper HAS BEEN THE WORST THING OF MY ACADEMIC LIFE SINCE THE THESIS. do you know what no motivation is? no motivation is me, now…who in a bimbo moment of boredom is thinking of going to cut my hair. (and they say girls cut hair in times of psychological stress) anything but study.

we study the natural resource curse. all i want to do is remove the ‘natural resource’ bit. DUDE. 87 slides in one PPT is nothappening. or as what i told V, is uncooler than global warming.

and this sem i really get retribution. bad karma for all my sins etcetc (ok yes, i dun believe in karma or retribution in the religious sense, but ARGH). i should not have 1) gone to perth last time since EVERYONE (including people i didn’t know during that sem!) reminds me of that fateful ‘hey i come back from my vacation and u still hv exams’ trip. 2) should not have called C last time to say ‘hey i end my exams, happy birthday, good luck with three more papers’. (because now pple sms/call me when they are done)

why, life, why.

*hangs head*

just now bernard smsed saying that cheryl has gone back to God tonight.

some may say it is for the good, because cancer ravages the body. but her parents weren’t prepared for it. it was meant to be an ordinary blood transfusion. charmaine wasn’t prepared for it, she was meant to fly back to melb tonight. joshua wasn’t prepared for it, he is still in tekong.

in the end, “for as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts” (Isa 55:9). that is supposed to bring us comfort right?

but 27 is too young, God.

i think God is pretty cool. asking dino-d for a random favour at AGM turned out into a really interesting conversation. like, at the right timing. perfecto. who would have thought that someone who have the same (mweepish) experiences? thank you God, that You make all things beautiful in Your time.